Ambien. No doubt about it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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