So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
