jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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