ya dads aren't the best wingmen
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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