you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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