if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
barbara walters just said penis...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
