If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
