I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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