I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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