Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
