She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
