I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
