Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
