Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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