YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
