The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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