It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
