Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
