Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
