While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
