I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize