hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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