She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
