I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
