Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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