Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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