i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
