I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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