smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
