Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm like, not good at living.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
