you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
