I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I forget how to act sober
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
