you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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