There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
