My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
