I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
