remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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