no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
