these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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