When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize