I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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