Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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