Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
