Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize