Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
