Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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