to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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