i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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