Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
