are you so shy because you have an std?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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