So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
