i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
