a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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