I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
