I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
