does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
