i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
