So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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