I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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