New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i will never coherently bang her
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
