Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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