I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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