Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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