guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
