There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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