It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
