It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
