mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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