the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
