It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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