I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
