Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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