I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
