Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
