She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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