the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
