I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
